


Haven't You Heard of Closing The Door?

by DollyPop



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Walking In On Someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:19:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5973880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollyPop/pseuds/DollyPop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Spirit Albarn's plans fall through on a Friday night, he decides he's going to do his roommate a favor and help him hook up with Marie. After all, she and Stein had been having study sessions often enough. It was time to give them a nudge in the right direction.</p><p>What Spirit wasn't expecting, however, was to walk in on them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haven't You Heard of Closing The Door?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CorvidConundrum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorvidConundrum/gifts).



> Can you feel the love tonight?

Nothing was going right for him that night.

Usually, Friday night was date-night, or party-night, or get-the-hell-out-of-the-dorm-room-so-he-could-get-a-break-from-his-roommate night. And, as usual, Spirit Albarn had something lined up. He’d worn his lucky boxers for it and everything, ordered the tickets for the movie in advance, even went so far as to wear his favorite cologne.

Turns out that Sarah was allergic to his cologne.

And popcorn.

Really, Spirit suspects that Sarah was really just allergic to _him_ in general.

Lucky indeed.

So, after going to the movies and ending up with a bucket of popcorn turned into a bucket of vomit, Sarah having to go to the hospital after she broke out in hives and telling him she’d take a rain check, and the entire movie theatre glaring at him for the scene he made when he attempted CPR on Sarah even though she could still breathe, Spirit had surrendered to the fact that the only action he was going to be in on was that of the video game variety.

He sighed. Part of him had wanted to leave the dorm to avoid such a fate, especially since he was trying to give Stein and his study buddy, Marie, some time. When his roommate found out that Spirit had, as per usual, scheduled a date for Friday night, he went ahead and sent a text to Marie, informing her that they could hang out at his dorm for the study session.

Alright, so Spirit read his text over his shoulder. So sue him. He was proud of his friend! The last person of the female persuasion that had wanted to get close to him was known only by the nickname of Medusa and a restraining order that signified that she wasn’t allowed within 100 feet of Stein.

Fun times.

Regardless, Spirit knew from their corresponding text messages that Marie had been having a hard time in biology and she could really use a tutoring session. It was like something from a movie! Maybe his best friend would finally get together with someone.

Okay, maybe that was a long shot, but Spirit had hope. He was ever the optimist. Even if Marie “More Curves Than a Racetrack” Mjolnir was a solid 9, on a _bad_ day, and Stein could use a few shots of whiskey and/or a lot of good light to be deemed attractive by most people’s tastes, it was obvious that there was something between them. The way they eyed one another every time they brushed past on their way to class was so obvious, Spirit was sure that there was actual electricity in the air. Plus, Stein had succeeded in getting her number, so it was obviously a step in the correct direction!

Yet, every time Spirit told Stein to make a move, all Stein ever replied with was a roll of the eyes.

Really, Stein should have more faith in himself. Miracles have happened in the past. And who better to start off that miracle than Spirit? Maybe Sarah’s hives were a sign from the universe that Spirit was meant to finally get Stein and Marie together?

Yes, he could envision it now. Stein and Marie would make heart eyes at one another from across the textbook. Spirit would slyly put on some appealing music. The lights could dim. Spirit could talk up Stein’s accomplishments.

Or he could even make some up. Hell, Spirit could borrow some lines from his own repertoire and lend them to Stein. That was what friends were for.

Yes. Tonight was the night. There would be love in the air. He started humming that one song from Lion King. Was he a good wing man or was he a good wing man?

Ever the optimist, Spirit was filled with new energy at the idea of hooking his friend since 5th grade up with the girl he was so obviously crushing on. The only way Stein could get more obvious in his attraction for Marie was if he wrote her love letters.

Since Spirit hasn’t checked Stein’s journals for fear of being castrated as a result, he isn’t even 100% sure that Stein _hasn’t_ written her those love letters. He’ll go ahead and assume that he had. Women loved love letters. It would be a plus in Marie’s eyes (. . .er, eye, since that cheer accident).

As Spirit made his way across campus and to the dorms, he couldn’t help but feel upbeat about the fact that he was going to do Stein a solid. They’d been friends for a long time and it was only fair. After all, Stein had been there to hold Spirit’s hair back when he vomited, to help Spirit cheat off of his tests so that Spirit could actually graduate high school, and even to not murder Spirit when he found out about the dog incident.

He swore the hair dye would come out eventually and it did. The shaved patches took a little longer, but Victor the golden retriever made a full recovery and everything.

Nonetheless, his brother from another mother was practically around since Spirit’s diaper days, and Spirit made a commitment while the two of them were still babies to be there for his. . .rather socially awkward best friend. And if being there for him included talking him up to Marie and slipping out in the middle of the conversation so he could get the two of them condoms, so be it!

It was still relatively early when Spirit made his way to his dorm. On campus living wasn’t the greatest, but at least he had lucked out with the location. Shibusen wasn’t massive, so Spirit knew a lot of the people on the floor, too, which was certainly a plus, since he also knew that most of them tended to be out on Friday nights.

Coming back, Spirit was almost glad that he had returned. He could really use a quit night in to relax and do what he did best: romance. It was so quiet in the dorms that he knew it would be perfectly conductive to hooking Stein up with Marie, and Spirit could hear tatters of their conversation as he made his way to his room. Only when he was almost right there could he finally make out the actual words.

And he couldn’t help but smile when he heard his best friend’s voice through the door. What was usually an almost deadpan, flat tenor had been transformed to an interested, inquisitive tone. If Spirit didn’t know any better, he would assume that it was teasing, but Stein just had the kind of voice that was confusing to place the emotion of in general, though even a fool could tell it was positive when he was talking to Marie.

“. . .and here?”

“K-kneecap,” Spirit heard, assuming the more feminine voice was Marie herself. Her voice wavered slightly, and Spirit couldn’t help but think of how cute it was that she was so flustered from just being quizzed. Stein was probably pointing on one of those creepy, life-size diagrams he had up in the room. They were the type that usually hung in a classroom, depicting a human body and the skeletal system, as well as organs and muscles. Stein had similar diagrams hung up like most people would hang up band posters. Most people, Spirit included, would find it rather odd.

He was glad that at least _Marie_ could find some use in it. It must have been an anatomy test they were studying for.

“Here?” Stein asked, sounding somewhat muffled, probably by the textbook. Or maybe he had just turned away.

“F-f-femur,“ Marie replied, her voice rounding up, sounding almost shaky. Spirit frowned. Stein didn’t seem like a very encouraging teacher. It was almost obvious even from behind the door that Marie wasn’t at completely relaxed. Really, Spirit couldn’t blame her: she was spending time with Frank Stein, nicknamed Franken Stein because of his almost obsessive fascination with anatomy.

It was a good thing Spirit came back so that he could help out! Stein may have already won the battle, since he managed to convince Marie to come to his room, but the war of getting romantically close to her would have to be won far more carefully.

After all, having the highest grade in the class would inspire anyone to come out of their comfort zone, but it would take more than that to have Marie see Stein for the great guy he could be under all his layers. He was a genius, but he wasn’t the most sociable.

And from the sound of things, he wasn’t the greatest tutor, either.

Well, that was fine. Spirit could help him with that! He’d just have to pull out some snacks, put on some tunes, and get working on laying down that Albarn charm.

Without a second thought, Spirit reached for his key, immediately unlocking the door and throwing it open. “Hey guys!” he started, still grinning. “Date got canc-Oh my god!”

The key fell from Spirit’s grasp.

For a single moment, he couldn’t register anything other than the fact that his blood was rushing in his ears and that his fingers suddenly felt numb. He didn’t even have the good sense to look away.

So much for that Albarn charm. So much for Stein needing his help in winning the war. So much for having to convince Marie.

Spirit squeaked in surprise when he took note of the fact that they were on his bed, but what he was most shocked by was the fact that, if they were studying for an anatomy exam, they must have been getting some real life lessons in.

Because in front of Spirit’s very eyes, Stein, who before that night Spirit was certain had only looked at a naked woman via the internet or through a textbook, was kneeling in front of Marie while her skirt and particularly lacy panties were discarded on the floor.

Marie Mjolnir was lying on Spirit’s bed with Stein’s hands under her knees. He was wearing her thighs like earmuffs.

Like.

Earmuffs.

Spirit couldn’t breathe, he was so shocked. Dimly, in the back of his head, he was at least thankful of the fact that Stein still had his boxers on.

The feeling was short lived.

“What the hell? Get out!” Marie shrieked, one of her arms coming to her plentiful chest as she sat up, the other scrabbling for something to cover herself with as Stein looked over his shoulder, spotting Spirit standing dumfounded in the doorway. He was so surprised as he stared at Stein, taking note of the fact that his roommate’s lower lip was glistening, that he had to open his mouth twice, unable to speak, until he could choke out: “I-I th-thought you were studyi-“

“Get out!” Marie squealed again, looking absolutely mortified as she managed to wrap Spirit’s sheet around herself, effectively hiding her racetrack curves from Spirit’s prying eyes. But he couldn’t move. Nothing about the scene was adding up.

Stein. And Marie? And the _thighs_. Like _earmuffs._

At least he managed to catch his bearings when Marie reached for something on his desk, almost letting go of the sheet when she grabbed up Spirit’s Captain America themed alarm clock and looked as though she were going to chuck it at him, sure to land him in the same hospital that Sarah had ended up in.

In the millisecond it took for Spirit to slam the door closed, dreading the idea of ending up in the ICU, he managed to take note of the fact that Stein looked more than just a little smug, and way too turned on.

Spirit shuddered, hearing a small thud as Marie dropped the alarm clock, sparing the poor thing.

He was still staring at the hallway wall, trying to process what was happening when he heard Stein chuckle, his compliment of how adorable Marie was when she was angry running a shiver down Spirit’s spine.

“Yeah?” Marie started, and it barely registered as Spirit tried to wrap his mind around the situation. “I must be the cutest thing in the world, then.”

“Hmmm,” Stein replied, still chuckling.

“Stein?” Marie asked, but it was followed by silence. For a single, gut-wrenching moment, Spirit thought Stein had stood up, went to open the door, and that would be the end of him. Spirit would live on only in memory. People would talk of how he died and he would never be allowed to rest in peace.

But then, Marie broke the quiet by giggling. “Stein! That tickles~”

Spirit’s eyes went wide as he heard her moan, almost covering up Stein’s very muffled “Where were we?” that Spirit managed to hear through the door. He didn’t even have to think about it when he decided to get the hell out of there while he could keep all his internal organs in one place.

No, _nothing_ was going right for him that night.

He wondered if Sid would mind if he crashed at his place.


End file.
